A different me...

I met up with Joanna and Joyce on Thursday at Westmall coffee bean. We were all lazy to travel too far and Joyce worked till 3pm that day. Therefore, we decided to settle down at some nearby place.

The three of us were so bo liao. We actually met up to read 8-days and i-weekly! Of coz, we did comment on those whatever artists or whatever. Most of our convo were on the star idol and also on all the votings of everything.

Around 6.30pm, they went home and I met up my Dar for dinner. Dar wanted to catch a movie and I didn't want to because the show starts at 7.30pm and ends at 9 plus. I need to help out at my sis bf's stall the next morning and would be too tired.

For goodness, Dar said that I only thought for myself. He said that last time he say tired and I would complain all that. This was what I learnt from him anyway and hello... I had to help from 6am till 4pm! Its not as easy as office work lah! I was quite unhappy with him saying that.

While having dinner, he told me that he would be meeting him his friends on Friday night and Saturday night, he would be playing mahjong with his friends because 1 of them came back to Singapore and would be returning on Tuesday.

So, I was like commenting "Huh? Like that you won't be meeting me la."

This was what he replied "You everytime only think of meeting up."

I'm real pissed by this sentence.You mean you don't wish to see me? You mean that I'm not important? You mean you find me a bother? Whatever...

I didn't want to quarrel about it and I kept quiet. Inside me, I was so damn unhappy and I wanted to cry. But I'm in the public, so what can I do? I tried to put on a brave front. I don't want to let him see my unhappiness.

For goodness, if I didn't ask to meet him on Thursday, then I won't be meeting him for the whole week and he don't even care.

I didn't sleep for the whole night my alarm clock rang. Its 5am. I know I'm tired already but I got to help out at my sis bf's stall as promised.

I forced myself to work and I kept myself busy. When there's not many customers, I washed anything I can find and even clean a lot of places. I wanted to tire myself out so that I won't think too much. However, I just can't stop thinking about his cruelty. It made me wonder if I plunged myself too deep into this relationship.

I didn't eat anything at all for the whole day. This is such a big record for me! I didn't feel hungry at all which I think its rather strange. I'm such a glutton and I did survive without food for the whole day without thinking of eating anything.

Finally, he called me at 10pm lidat. He asked me for supper at Upper Bukit Timah area. I wanted so much to see him but I told him that I don't want to go out because the weather was damn warm. I asked him to pack the food to my house rather than sitting at the so-hot-place eating.

This was actually an excuse. I was hoping that he would say okay and buy the food. But all these did not happen! He said that go there eat, the food nicer and all those shit!

Of course, I was hurt again.

Today, I woke up feeling damn tired. My whole body ache due to the long hours of helping out and cleaning at the stall. Somemore, I didn't sleep the previous night, thus it was like combo tireness.

I dragged myself to give tuition and was almost dead. My tuition kid just gave me too much trouble. I really want to give up on this boy. His sister is hardworking and clever. But the brother was just too much to bear. Nevermind about them. I don't wish to talk about them or I'll get angry and die earlier.

After tuition, I called him. I told him I'm on my way home and he asked me to go over his house and we can go out for dinner tonight. I refused telling him that after dinner, I got to go back home myself because he would be going to his friend's house for mahjong.

All these happen for a reason. I just love him too much that he is taking advantage. He didn't put in the effort of maintaining a good relationship. All these while, I'm the one wanting a nice relation and I'm the one putting effort. For him, he can survive without meeting me. I want to prove that I can do it too.

I'm wondering if I should let go. Its hard to me to cry to sleep every night and having the dark rings. My whole family know that something is wrong with me. From a chatty and cheerful girl, I've turned into a ghost.

I suddenly didn't want to talk to anyone much. I didn't have the appetite. Of course they know what's going on because every weekend, I would not be home. I would be with him. This week, I'm totally a different me. I don't know how long this will last. Maybe till the end of my breath...