I didn't really enjoy my Christmas Day this year. I'm kind of unhappy over some words by some peanut-brain people. I can't blame the person for having such a brain that can't think much. You may say that I'm petty. Well... I'm petty. That's me. You might tell me to ignore. But the some meaning sentence or words don't just say once.
I'm jealous. Yes. I'm indeed very jealous over it. I can't stop anyone from saying anything. But why am I always the target? Because I'm young? Easily bullied? Just because I don't say anything means that you can just bully me? Hello... I'm a woman. You are a woman. How do YOU feel when I said "The person I like is <your bf's name>"? It's not always the same sentence, but it's almost the same meaning!
Here I am sounding very angry, I know.
My Dar did reply you "impossible", but can't you just stop it? There's so many other guys there. Why can't you just choose them instead of him? Yeah, you might say its joking.
Shall i just splashed some paint over you and say that I'm joking? Woman are sensitive. Don't tell me you aren't a woman? Because of you again, I quarrelled with my Dar. Just because I'm jealous that created this quarrel? Why don't you say that you are trying to break us up?
For those who wants to know why i flare up. Here's the reason.
Over the dinner, my Dar went out to smoke, you said my Dar likes plump girls. You referring to yourself is it? I know my Dar don't like me to be plump. I'm trying to slim down so that no other people have the chance to snatch him away.
After the quarrel, I cried to sleep. How i wish I'm not there during the dinner. But I don't feel secure. I hate myself for being such a scary cat for not saying anything when I'm being bullied.
This Christmas is so bad for me. Not only i fell sick, till now. I'm sad; jealous; angry and annoyed.
I'll be leaving for Bintan on Saturday. The boat will leave around 2pm. I seriously need a break out of this. Hope that I'll be happier when I'm back. Pray that I can be back safely without doing any terrible acts over there.
Suddenly there's 2 voices inside me speaks...
Angel: Michelle! You are such a stupid idiot to say such a thing!
Devil: You are not stupid and idiotic. Sometimes its hard to say when someone is down. For you, your feelings usually rules over you and that's alright.
Devil: No one cares about you.
Angel: Your family cares for you. They'll be hurt the most if you leave them.
Devil: How they wish that you are not around. You are their burden.
Angel: You are not their burden. You earned your own school fees and allowances.
Devil: That's because they want you to suffer.
Angel: You know its not that.
Enough! Shut up the both of you! Stupid angel. Why don't you stop me from getting jealous? If you did stop me from getting jealous, things would be different. And stupid devil. You really wants me to die ah?
By the way, if i really am gone, please kill the stupid angel for not holding me back. And also kill the stupid devil for asking me to court death.
I'm tired. This post is long and tiring for my eyes. I'm shedding tears when I'm typing this. Can you believe it? Its 2.45am now. Freaking early ok. I'm the earliest getting to bed.
Bye! *gone*
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